|  | Reviews |
Admins click here
|
| Go to film:
|
Sort By:
|
<< < 1 2 3 > >>
Reviewed By: Lord High Rikonian
( 10/14/2009 12:00:00 AM)
Rating:
4.00
shots
Genre:
Action/Comedy/Drama
Starring:
Jim Belushi, the guy from that show about the magic newspaper, and a hot chick
Plot:
OK, I missed the first 15 minutes, but where I came in this up and coming hit man (the newspaper guy) wants to join the ranks of this "Family" but the Don wants him to learn the ropes from this master hit man (Belushi). The master hit man turns out to be a nut who comes off as part Yoda, part old guy from Karate Kid (Arnold from Happy Days), and all Jim Belushi. The wacky stunts he has his poor apprentice doing to learn the secrets of killing for money are hilariously ridiculous.
Viewing Advice:
Watch this film.
Ron Howard is the Opie of the masses
|
Reviewed By: Lord High Rikonian
( 10/17/2009 5:56:06 PM)
Rating:
5.00
boomsticks
Genre:
Horror/Comedy
Starring:
Bruce Campbell, some English people, and quite a few zombies
Plot:
This movie has it all! Well, OK, maybe not everything, but close. It has time travel, zombies, wit, one of Bruce Campbell's better performances, and lots of chainsaw-slicing and shotgun-blasting of evil dead guys.
Ash Williams (portrayed by Bruce Campbell despite being a chick in the Mass Effect video game) who has already had his girlfriend get possessed and try to kill him and had to cut off his own hand, gets time warped back to medieval England where he has to get the Necronomicon back to return to his own time. He screws up, an army of darkness (hence the title) arises, and one of the coolest battle scenes I have ever seen transpires. This movie rocks.
Viewing Advice:
I would recommend watching it from a videotape so you can go back and rewatch stuff, but however you do it, SEE this movie!
Ron Howard is the Opie of the masses
|
Reviewed By: Lord High Rikonian
( 10/17/2009 5:51:43 PM)
Rating:
4.90
gay Green Goblins
Genre:
Zany Crime Movie
Starring:
Sean Patrick Flannery, Norman Reedus, the Green Goblin, a somewhat goofy Italian guy, the Scottish guy from Head of the Class
Plot:
The Russian Mafia is horning in on an Irish neighborhood, and two Irish brothers have a run in with them that almost gets them killed. The two brothers take the fact that they managed to come out on top in that encounter as a sign that they are vessels for the vengeance of God and become vigilantes. Their friend the goofy Italian Mafia guy joins them on their crusade to stamp out crime and zany highjinks follow.
Viewing Advice:
You MUST rent or buy this movie. I recommend buying it because you'll want to watch it again. Be sure to get the DVD, because the deleted scenes and gag reel are not to be missed. Especially the hilarious deleted scene where the brothers McManus get a call from their somewhat twisted mother.
My only complaint is the commentary. It was just a technical filmmaking commentary (yawn!). I would give this a 5.0 and list it in the commentary recommendations section if they would have done a commentary with Flannery, Reedus and Dafoe. Oh well, they're making a Boondock 2, so maybe they'll make such a kickarse commentary for that DVD release.
GENERAL ADVICE: I don't care if you are a big bad Russian Mafia enforcer guy, don't start shit at an Irish bar on St. Patrick's Day.
Ron Howard is the Opie of the masses
|
Reviewed By: Lord High Rikonian
( 10/17/2009 5:39:06 PM)
Rating:
5.00
dead hookers
Genre:
Comedy
Starring:
Norm McDonald, Artie Lange (who always seems to play Norm's brother for some reason), Jack Warden, Chevy Chase, Chris Farley, that dude who's almost always the evil fucker in the Adam Sandler movies
Plot:
Norm and his friend are down on their luck and need to get $100,000 so they can save Norm's friend's dad from a heart disease, so they start a revenge for hire business. Then they run afoul of the "evil yuppie asshole guy" from the Sandler movies. Norm proceeds to make so many boneheaded moves, that you will lose your voice from shouting "No, you stupid fucker, that is a BAD idea!" at your TV screen. A lot of critics panned this, but I loved it.
Viewing Advice:
If you are not easily offended and like dark comedy, you must see this movie!
ALso, after you watch this movie, watch the pilot episode of Stargate Universe on Hulu. Trust me, it is very satisfying.
Ron Howard is the Opie of the masses
|
Reviewed By: Lord High Rikonian
( 10/17/2009 5:36:43 PM)
Rating:
4.00
wooden stakes
Genre:
Horror
Starring:
Some generic college students, a wheelchair guy, a creepy pale guy, a creepy yet ineffectual mercenary guy, Jason Scott Lee, that dude from Jaws
Plot:
Drac's back again after medical students steal his body from the morgue and re-animate it, under the guidance of their teacher who wants to use vampire blood to cure his paralysis disease. The gang takes all of the precautions they can think of, including iron and silver chains around Drac, and leaving a bunch of seeds and a knotted net so that even if he does escape, his OCD will keep him busy.
And of course, everything goes exactly according to plan, Dracula doesn't escape, nobody betrays anyone else, and they all live long prosperous lives.
Viewing Advice:
You're supposed to watch Dracula 2000 first, then watch this one. I know it seems like you should track down a movie called Dracula 1, and then rent 1,998 other Dracula movies first, but trust me on this.
Ron Howard is the Opie of the masses
|
Reviewed By: Lord High Rikonian
( 10/17/2009 5:35:05 PM)
Rating:
4.00
something to do with dreams
Genre:
Sci-fi horror
Starring:
Dennis Quaid, That Creepy Old German Guy From Strange Brew, The Dude From Green Acres, Another Creepy Old Guy, Some Cute Chick, Some Creepy Young Dude, and Claymation Snake Dude
Plot:
Dennis Quaid is a slacker loser who'se once promising career is gone, leaving him spending his days betting on the horses and dodges track thugs. But before all that happened, he made this movie. In it, he plays a psychic who joins a secret project which is endeavoring to send psychics into other people's dreams. He does not know that this project is really controlled by a badass black ops intelligence agency (you'd think a psychic would pick up on shit like this, but I guess not). Anyway, Quaid learns to go into dreams and then has to stop the evil assassin guy who also goes into dreams. Anyway, this is the flick that Nightmare on Elm Street ripped off. Not just the whole "evil nutcase who kills people in their dreams" bit either. The evil guy actually kills one of his victims by popping blades from his fingertips and slicing him up.
Viewing Advice:
You cannot call yourself a scifi fan if you have never seen this movie. It's a frickin' classic.
Ron Howard is the Opie of the masses
|
Reviewed By: Lord High Rikonian
( 10/17/2009 5:28:44 PM)
Rating:
4.80
bats
Genre:
Comedy (I think)
Starring:
Johnny (greatest actor alive!) Depp and some other guy
Plot:
Johnny Depp is Raoul Duke and the other guy is his "attourney" Dr. Gonzo. They are sent by a magazine to cover a big Nevada motorcycle race, and they take most every psychotropic substance known to man. This is a freak show. The hallucinations are freaky and rendered incredibly with the advanced visual effects used. But the best part of the story is Depp's voiceover running account of what's going on. "My God! The entire place was filled with reptiles, and somebody has given then alcohol! It would only be minutes before we were torn to shreds!" which he somehow delivers with a serious voice.
Viewing Advice:
Watch this movie. But, if you do drugs, do not take them while watching. I don't know what would happen, but it would really fuck your mind up.
Ron Howard is the Opie of the masses
|
Reviewed By: Lord High Rikonian
( 10/27/2009 8:32:50 PM)
Rating:
4.20
brutal eviscerations
Genre:
Horror comedy
Starring:
Henry Rollins, Jason Mewes, that Champion of the World guy, Navi Rawat, Clu Gulager, and some dude named Balthazar
Plot:
An isolated bar filled with a disparate group of people. No working phone. No cell service. It's like they're asking to get killed by a monster.
But before we get to that, let's meat, er meet, the cast. No wait, I was right the first time. The old bartender is Clu Gulager, who is useful. But perhaps not as useful as Gallagher would be, because he'd have that giant sledgehammer. Henry Rollins plays a douchebag motivation speaker (that's a motivational speaker who is a douchebag, not a speaker who motivates douchebags. Although this character could realistically only motivate douchebags). Jason Mewes plays Jason Mewes. The Champion of the World guy from 30 Rock plays the schlubby beer delivery guy. Balthazer Getty is the movie's dumb jock type. The guy who always gets killed in this sort of movie (as the introductory subtitles point out. His younger brother is in a wheelchair, so that's a huge complication. There's also a single mother, a ditzy waitress, a badass asshole type. And the Hero.
You know he's the Hero, because he shows up right before the monsters start attacking the bar, he says he's the guy who's gonna save all their asses, and the helpful subtitle captions tell you he is. See, this movie has very helpful captions in the beginning that tell you who everyone is, what their jobs and/or roles in the horror film are, and their life expectancy, and always with a sarcastic touch. The captions aren't that helpful though because the Hero needs to be replaced a couple minutes into the movie. And that's the last spoiler I'll give. From here on out, the only thing to be spoiled is your appetite.
I will say, however, that this movie has fun with the expectations of classic horror movie tropes. It alternates between defying your preconceptions and revelling in the cliches. Will any of these people live through the night? Who will end up being the dirtbag who betrays the others and almost gets everyone killed (there's always that one guy)? Will Jason Mewes live to make Clerks 3? You'll have to watch an hour and a half of cheesy old-fashioned stop motion effects, brutal violence, and hilarious comedy to find out.
Viewing Advice:
Watch this movie! It is very funny and it has a retro horror slasher flick vibe to it. But be warned, this is the most brutal horror comedy you're likely to see for a while. And also, a volume warning: Early on in the flick, one of the characters shouts something to the monster to the effect of "get the fuck out of here, you motherfucking monkey!" This line is very loud. It may even be the loudest part of the whole movie. So you may want to keep the volume down if you live in an apartment.
Ron Howard is the Opie of the masses
|
<< < 1 2 3 > >>
|
Select
Theme:
All
4-5 Club
Crapfest
Middle Ground
All
|