Main Page	THE RIKONIAN RANT
	Superman For Sale?			September 5, 1999
				Current Column

I recently heard that the family of Jery Seigel (no relation to Bugsy) one of the guys who came up with Superman is in the process of getting half the rights. This means they would get half the cash from any Superman products that DC makes or licenses. But that's not the interesting part. No, the interesting part is that, as co-owners, they can use SUperman in their own projects or license the character out to others.
Yes, that's right. If Marvel decides to buy or lease the rights, then Superman can become a Marvel character.
He'll have to be careful though. If he's not then he'll be walking down the street someday, eating a donut or something and trying to relax, and say, Thor or the Hulk is walking along the opposite side of the fence. Then a big crowd of fanboy types starts bugging him. "Hey!" they'll say "I bet you could beat up Thor over there! Come on, do it!" Then onother one would go "No way, Supes is a wuss, Thor is a god." And poor Superman will end up having to fight Thor just to get them to shut up. Superman must get really tired of the fanboys with their questions. Maybe he and Thor would just snap and attack the fanboys.
The next time Jean Grey (great code name by the way. Cyclops, Wolverine, Nightcrawler, Jean Grey. Sheesh) bugs Cyclops about wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants, he can just go "But Snookerbuns, come on. Superman wears his underwear on the outside" Then Jean will sigh and say "Yes, but his is red. Yellow underwear outside of the pants is just tacky." Of course, the tragedy is that Cyclops thinks his outer/underwear is red, because he wears that ruby quartz visor thingy to keep from blasting everything to hell, so everything looks red to him. Of course he could lift the visor and peek at his little underwear, but then he's blast it to little bits.
Hey, maybe Superman would join the X-Men. It could happen. Prof. X would probably try to make him change his name to Xuperman though. But hey, if Superman can't take on one telepath in a wheelchair, then he's slipping in his old age.
And then the next big Marvel/DC Crossover event happens, and we find out who would really win in a fight: Superman or Superman! Call me crazy, but my money is on Superman, because even though Superman is stronger, Superman just seems to have more drive.
But hey, why restrict it to just comics? What about a Superman sitcom? Jerry Seinfeld isn't busy, and he would jump at the chance to play Superman. I know I would watch Superfeld. "Hey! Ever notice hopw people don't know it's me even though my only disguise is a stupid pair of glasses? Who are these people?" And then he'd save a plane from crashing then go "You wouldn't have this problem if you would just make the plane out of the black box!"
Or they could let George Lucas put Superman in the next Star Wars movie. Sure Obi-Wan is tough, but I'd like to see him get past Darth-El. Or he could show up on Star Trek Voyager sometime. It'd be a pretty dull episode though. "Captain, the Kazon are attacking and... wait a minute, some guy in a blue suit is flying around and ripping out their weapons." On the bright side, then the rest of the show could be Janeway and Seven of Nine making out.
Speaking of making out, maybe a Superman prno would be possible. Of course, it might not be very good porno. After all, the guy is faster than a speeding bullet. And science fiction writer Larry Niven had some interesting ideas about what the end result would be if the Man of Steel ever "got some."