Main Page	THE RIKONIAN RANT
	The Sims and other video game foolishness
	April 25, 2001

Wow, I had almost forgotten I had a rant site. Six months with no update? Holy shit
Anyway, I'm back, and I'll be putting up a few more of these goddamn things as I think of them.
What was I doing with my time? you ask? Well, I did start working a while back (that takes a lot of your free time), and I got a new computer a while back, with a 30 gig drive, a Pentium III and a lot of other shit I'm too lazy to click the system config stuff in the start menu to check. And that which means I could finally install more frickin' games. So what'd I get? The Sims.
The Sims is a pretty fun game. For about fifteen minutes, then you get bored. But it's a strangely addictive boredom. I have spent more than one Sunday sitting in front of my computer, with the intent to play for one hour to start my morning, and glancing at my Time Warner digital TV and saying "Fuck! It's almost time for Simpsons!" followed by "Fuck! I've killed 50 Sims!"
The SIms is, on one level, a fascinating simulation of real life, where you build your Sims' house, funrish it, and watch the dynamics of my little virtual people. Why, it makes me God!!!
Well, being God would be more fun if my subjects weren't total retards. I swear, you qualify for Mensa membership if you can figure out, when you have to go to the bathroom, that you should walk over to the toilet, sit down on it, and take a crap, instead of standing there waving your arms, screaming with a toilet thought bubble over your head. If there is a God, maybe that's why He left: so we wouldn't forget how to find the toilet without a divine finger pointing and saying "HERE! Here is where you crap!!!"
A little perspective here: the scout patrol in Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri can navigate across sever miles of terrain on it's own, moving around giant mountains and acres of alien fungus, avoiding enemies, all to get to one city you target it to go to. A Sim, on the other hand, can't figure out where his crapper is located.
I like to leave little death traps around my Sim house. I'll put a few of those firework things inside and put the game on fast play until someone sets one off and they all die in a fiery death. That's the only real fun thing about the Sims (but man is it fun!). I just started playing Sims again because I bought the House Party expansion pack (I killed 5 Sims trying to burn that frickin' mime to death. Sadly, he's the only Sim I've ever seen who actually had any sense about fires. All the rest of these idiots would wander around, notice there's a fire,a nd start screaming and waving their arms int he air, yelling about a fire, while running around right at the edge of the fucking flame! I would move them away and try to occupy them with other stuff, riding mechanical bulls, sleeping, playing pinball, crapping, but inevitably, they would wander back and run right next tot he fire. No Sim will think to call the fire department, or extinguish teh fire, or even run away from it. But then, what can I expect from them. These are the stupid motherfuckers who you can imprison in the apartment until they starve to death just by putting a ring of folding chairs around them. But try that with the mime that wanders intot he hosue when you throw a party. As soon as you scroll away, that fucker's slipped away. It's sad when a mime is the peak of evolution for your species.
Wanna have some fun? Build a pool, put a diving board but no ladders on it. Some idiot will jump in, and get trapped. These morons will just wade around and complain that they have no ladder. The water's waist deep, but they just stand there until they pass out and drown. Is it any wonder then, that I inevitably have a huge collection of gravestones in the backyard when I play? And so, i put the Sims disks away, and will not touch it again. At least until the Medieval Dungeon Sims expansion pack comes out.